Let Yourself Go
by IzayaRomati
Summary: Izaya started her band, Suicide's On Vacation, almost three years ago and now they're getting big, landing a position on tour with a bunch of other bands, as well as their best friends Of Mice & Men, they make quick friends with everyone else on tour. Though complications ensue. /I suck at summaries/
1. Chapter 1

"…_Ain't it beautiful?_

_So unusual_

_Life's a gas and it's running out_

_Living a cliché_

_Gonna seize the day_

_Bottle rockets and celebrate, celebrate, celebrate_

_Carpe diem, a battle cry_

_Are we all too young to die?_

_a reason and no reply_

_Are we all too young to die?_

_Making a living_

_Making a killing_

_What's worth forgiving?_

_Alright"_

The lyrics blasted out of the speakers as I danced my way around the house.

"Oh God I love living alone like this. The new sound system is so gear too." I shouted to no one, "But I guess it does get lonely sometimes…"

The song faded out as it finished and I heard someone knock on the door. _How in the world did anyone get out here. Better yet, how the hell did they know I, or anyone for that matter, lived here._ I cautiously walked to the door, I had paused the music for a bit as the next song was a personal favourite. It seems I was taking too long to get to the door and whoever it was knocked again.

"Alright, alright. I'm coming. Don't get your damn panties in a twist." I rolled my eyes and swung the door open dramatically. Next thing I know, I'm being dog piled by four familiar men.

"IZAYA!" They all shouted in unison. I frantically wriggled my way out from under the pile of bodies on top of me and jumped on top myself.

"Guys! It's so good to see you! I've missed you." I was grinning like a four year old at Christmas time. Due to a split second decision I ran to the kitchen and grabbed a carton of Jim Beam, plunking it on the longue room coffee table, "Take some if you want some boys."

"Haha, you haven't changed one bit Izaya." Alan laughed.

"Yeah I know, you boys haven't changed all the much either, isn't that right Alan." I smirked and threw him a can which he thankfully caught. Looking at myself and my attire, I decided I need to go change, "Boys, I shall be a tick, I should go and get dressed…well, more dressed at least." I was wearing only underwear and a custom band-tee. The boys just rolled their eyes at me and each grabbed a can. Believe me, they'd seen me in less, though not for the reasons one would imagine.

I started the music again and ran down the hallway and into my room, if you could call it that. I had a bad habit of falling asleep wherever I found it most comfortable at the time or my passing out.

"_Shut your mouth cause you talk too much  
And I don't give a damn anyway  
You always seem to be stepping in shit  
And all you really do is complain  
Hitch a ride, tell 'em all you like  
Small minds tend to think a like_

Shut your mouth 'cause you're talking too much  
And I don't give a fuck anyway"

I could so celarly hear the speakers blaring out the voice of Billie Joe almost directly into my brain. His voice was like a drug to me, always pumping me full of energy and ridding me of most inhabitions. I made my way to the othe side of my room and picked up a bra. I took my shirt off and put the piece of underwear on. Unfortunately all of my pants were in the wash so I just had to go with what I had on now.

"Izaya? You okay?" I stood up abruptly and hit my head on the bookshelf. I cringed and grabbed my head in pain, stumbling towards Austin in a dazed manner.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Head just hurts a tad." I replied steadily.

"Right…you don't seem fine. Are you…Are you on drugs again?"

"If I say yes?"

"Dammit Izaya, I thought we'd already talked about this before. Too many times before." He mumbled. I could tell he was disappointed, they always were. Everyone always was. That's why I don't try in most cases.

"Yeah, well. I'm my own person, now I'm gonna go eat and have fun and drink and stuff. So woo. And if it helps any, I'll probably come down soon, I took it a while ago." I pat him on the shoulder and walked out of the room, leaving him and his disappointment to themselves.

I skipped over to the lounge room table and picked up a can of Jimmy's myself, gulping it down in one swig.

"Jeez Izaya, you still drink like you used to." Tino praised as I downed another can. I nodded enthusiastically and grinned.

"Sorry to ruin all of the fun here boys, but, Izaya's doing drugs again." Austin announced, leaning against the wall at the end of the hallway. I sighed as I got disapproving looks from everyone.

"Oh get over it, it's just a little bit of speed. I'm not addicted, everything's just more fun with it." I laughed and srung up from my cross-legged position. I turned up the music and put on Not the American Average by Asking Alexandria, dropping myself on the lounge. Judging by how long ago I actually took the speed, I was gonna crash relatively soon, "Also, I did take it quite a while ago, so I'll probably crash pretty," I yawned, "Around now."

I smiled slightly as my eyelids became heavy. My whole body relaxed and just melted into the couch.

"Izaya, we're here for a reason. To take you on tour. You and your band are coming. Don't freak when you wake up somewhere else." Phil sighed.

"That's nice. See you in the morning. Night." I dosed off and let my mind wander of in the land of dreams.

I woke to a sea of voices and cheering. Unessecary sound in my opinion. All things considered, I was pretty curious. I walked outside and noticed the absence of my house, or any houses for that matter. Basically, I was surounded by massive buses on a bitchumen road out the back of what looked like a stage.

Then I remembered the last thing Phil said to me before I dosed off. I was on tour. That explains the buses, absence of housing and loud cheering.

I made my way over to the catering vendor and got myself a chicken burger and a soda, as I turned around to head back to my bands bus, I ran into someone and fell back on my ass.

"Ugh." I groaneed.

"Oh, wow. Sorry, I didn't see you there. Um…I'm Ben by the way. What's your name, I haven't seen you around before."

"I'm Izaya, from Suicides' On Vacation. You must be the Ben from Asking Alexandria."

"Haha, the one and only."

I looked up at him and he smiled, holding his hand out to help me up.

"I'll get you another burger and soda. Beef or chicken?"

"Chicken thanks."

"You know, you look a lot different than what you do in your music videos."

"That's probably because I'm not in them."

"What? Really?"

"Yeah, I kind of do what Ed Sheeran does, pop in for a few seconds or so and disappear again. I don't like being in the videos, not really my thing. You on the other hand, you look almost exactly like you did in _Not The American Average_." I grinned, "I'm going to lick your cheek now."

"You're gonna what?" he asked skeptically. I promtply licked him on the cheek, took my burger and went back to my bus.

"Bye bye Benny boy. I shall see you some other time." I called, turning around to salute him with a grin prominent on my face.

**A/N: So I decided to write a new story. I used to have 12 different ones on a USB until some people lost it ._. So I kind of had to start from scratch all over again.**

**So, here's a new story. I hope you all like it c:**


	2. Chapter 2

"So Izaya, have you made any new friends yet?" Alaska asked.

"Yeah, I think. I mean, I licked Ben's face and he seemed to like it somewhat. I got free food from him too, so that's awesome." I replied. That got a laugh from the group. We were all on the Suicide's On Vacation tour bus, one that I'd done up myself in my spare time when I was fifteen. The group consisted of all of Suicide's On Vacation and Of Mice & Men, Austin, Aaron, Alan, Tino, Phil, Alaska, Nayte, Sanshey, Sage and myself. The lot of us had all been real close friends since my band started, it didn't take long for us to get signed and meet the boys at our record label, soon enough we were touring with them as their opening act on every tour.

"You licked Ben's face? Ben who?" Sage gasped between fits of laughter, he was definitely the child of the band, despite being the oldest.

"Ben Bruce from Asking Alexandria, and yes, I did, in fact, lick his face." I rolled my eyes at his, and everyone else's continued laughter.

"I heard my name?" questioned a seductive british voice.

"Benny Boy!" I squealed, leaping up from my cross legged position and standing in from of him. He was a whole head taller than me, the bastard.

"Why do you keep calling me that?"

"Because I can." He responded with a fair enough kind of expression and I pulled him over to the rest of the group.

"Hey Ben." Austin and Alan chorused. Ben nodded back and sat down next to where I had plopped myself down again.

"Izaya, one thing." Ben stated.

"Hmm?" I turned my head towards him and he licked my cheek, like I had done just hours before, "Ah, payback I see."

"You did not just do that." Sanshey asked, dumbfounded.

"Boy are you in for it now." Alaska laughed.

"We all bid you good luck for what's about to happen." Nayte stated in all seriousness.

"Better hope she likes you buddy." Sage patted Ben on the shoulder and everyone started making their way out of the bus.

"Sorry Ben, we can't help you know." Phil mumbled as he exited the bus, closing the door behind him.

"What the hell was that all about?" Ben asked skeptically. I couldn't help myself, I started laughing uncontrollably.

When I finally stopped laughing my eyes wandered over to Ben, he looked like a hipster at an Of Mice & Men concert, distraught and confused. I took this as my chance to pounce on him.

"Wha!" he shouted as I pinned him down on the floor of the bus, "What the hell? Are we gonna fuck?"

"No. No we aren't mate. What we are gonna do is have some fun though."

"But fucking is fuuuuuun." He whined, "And you're one fine piece of ass."

"Yes I am, but that doesn't mean you can have it. It's MY fine piece of ass, not yours love. Too bad for you." I leant my face directly over his, moving my lips to his neck and slowly nipping at it, making my way up towards his lips. Just before I got to them, I licked right up the side of his face. His face was priceless, I couldn't help but roll over and burst out laughing.

"You-Your-You're face!" I gasped, "It's pr-price-less."

"Hey, that wasn't nice Zay," he pouted, "My turn."

I stopped laughing instantly, his voice was so fucking seductive. I could feel his breath of my chest, lingering just to tease me. No one had ever dared to do this to me before, so you could say it was most certainly a new experience. Ben pressed his lips to my chest, moving up to my collarbones and nibbling slightly, I bit my lip to keep from moaning. Fucker, this was not supposed to happen.

He continued trailing kisses and nibbles up my neck until he got to the corner of my lips. Our eyes met and I could visably see the smirk in his eyes.

"You fucking bitch. That was my move. You're not supposed to be winning this. No one's done this before you little fucker." I shouted out him.

"That's because no one else is as good as me. I'm just better than you little Zay. Now, what should I do now?" He whispered in my ear suggestively.

"Nothing! You should do nothing!" I struggled against his grip trying to get free. Damn gym closing down, "Dammit Benjamin Fucking Bruce. Get off me right now or else."

"Or else what? You're gonna lick me to death?"

"Maybe. It's possible you know. I do it to lollipops all the time."

Ben rolled his eyes and sighed.

"I have an idea Zay."

"And what would that be Benny Boy?"

"This." He laughed and he pressed his lips to mine. My body reacted before my mind did and my lips moved in perfect sync with his. I could feel his hand on my right hip and I winced in pain as he applied even the slightest of pressure. He didn't notice and ran his tongue across my lip, requesting entrance, I denied and broke away from his lips. My God his piercings made it that much fucking better. Ben's hand pressed into my hip more forcefully now and I visably winced.

"What's wrong? What hurts?" Ben asked frantically.

"Hip. Ouch." Was all I could manage. I could tell I was bleeding.

Ben lifted my shirtup enough to see what the damage was and lets just say, he wasn't overly pleased with what he saw. Ten angry red gashes all up my side.

"What the fuck is this?" He demanded.

"They're gashes?" I replied timidly. No one else had found out about them yet. I was fucking hoping it would stay that way.

"And how the fuck did they get there exactly, Zay?"

"I ran into a fence?"

"Bullshit!"

"So? You've only known me for a few hours now Ben, this kind of shit shouldn't worry you too much."

"That's a load of crap. I've been following you and your band since you started, I know you and you're entire band. I know you always tour with Of Mice & Men and I know you've also never been in a reltionship before.

"You're bubbly, energetic and innocent. You've never been kissed before, until now and you're welcome. You've had a pretty shitty childhood, though you've never released any sort of information about your past, even to your own band members and you've lived for music your whole life."

"I know you better than most Zay. Not to mention I've had strong feeling for you ever since I first saw you play live. Your band is awesome and your lyrics speak to your fans."

I stared at him in awe. He was a fanboy. He was my fanboy. Holy shit, one of Asking Alexandria's band members had a fanboy crush on me. Holy shit he kissed me. Fuck I'm starting to like him a lot more than I should.

"You should take your own advice you know. A lot of people would miss you if you were too leave."

He kissed me softly on the lips again and said good night, leaving me to my own thoughts. I felt tears burning at my eyes and let them out, curling into a ball and just letting everything out. After a while I compsed myself and called Sage.

"Hello?" Sage greeted though the phones speaker.

"Hey Sage, it's Izaya."

"Okay, who the fuck made you cry? Was it Ben? Who am I murdering?" Sage might be the child of the group, but he's so protective of me, he was the one who got me away from my family in the first place, making him the only person who knows anything about my horrible past.

"No, it wasn't Ben. In a way, it was me. So please just don't worry about it.I just thought I'd call and say that I'm going to sleep and that I'll leave a key to the bus on top of the wheel next to the door. Tell the others I said good night. I'll see you all tomorrow."

"If you say so love. Good night and sleep as best you can. We'll probably all be getting back real late tonight so I'll talk to you tomorrow. Good night."

I hung up the phone and crawled over to my bed, burying myself in the covers. An hour or so later I heard someone get onto the bus. I figured it was one of the boy and Alaska, so I didn't worry too much about it.

"Zay? Are you awake?" A familiar British voice asked quietly.

I shout up out of my bed and pressed myself against the wall.

"How the fuck did you get in here Ben?" I questioned harshly.

"I saw you put the key on the wheel…"

"Oh." I mumbled, "Well what do you want?"

"I just wanted to say that I'm sorry and I really do care about you so please don't inflict pain on yourself again."

"I can't promise that buddy, but thank you anyway. I'm incredibly tired, so I'm gonna go to sleep now. Feel free to join me, but you must be wearing at least a pair of boxers." Ben nodded and crawled into my bed, cuddling me from behind and kissing my neck gently.

In a matter of minutes we both fell asleep. Unfortunately not even Ben could save me from my nightmares.

**A/N: So I put in some fluff c: I was kind of unsure whether or not I wanted to have them kiss in this but yes, they did. :3**


	3. Chapter 3

I groggiliy opened my eyes, blinking the drowsiness away until I could comprehend where I was. Eventually I replayed the events of the past forty-eight hours in my head. I was on tour, I had snogged Ben Bruce and then he had crawled into bed with me. Just from the past twenty-four hours, I knew this was gonna be a totally gear tour.

I rolled over, groaning with the effort of moving, and checked what time it was. The bus' clock showed that it was just past 11 in the morning. So the crew had let me sleep, how wonderful of them. Not. They knew of my dislike of sleep all too well, but I guess I couldn't complain, I was kind of tired. Though the nightmares I usually had didn't make an appearance during my slumber. A new experience, but a pleasant one.

"And she rises from the dead!" Sanshey exclaimed amusedly.

"Oh shut up Sanshey. You know I'd rather be dead." I grumbled in response, a smirk playing on my features.

"But you have oh so many fans and they all need you." he replied dramatically, "Not to mention Sage would be devastated."

"Yeah, I know both of those things. That's what keeps me here. As well as my big brother. James Coby. God, it's been so long since I've seen him." _My last living relative that doesn't want me dead. _I thought to myself, "Anyway. Get out so I can get dressed."

"Like I haven't seen it all before Iz." He joked.

"I don't care." I grumbled and threw a book at him. Sadly it was my favourite book from the pile next to my bed.

"Haha, okay then, I'll leave you alone now. Just hurry up and get out here, everyone's mingling without you."

"NO ONE CAN PROPERLY MINGLE WITHOUT ME!"

"Then get dressed."

"I'm trying to, twat."

Sanshey rolled his eyes at me and walked off the bus with a 'hurry up' directed at me. I grabbed the first t-shirt and pants I saw and went to get dressed in the bathroom. After getting dressed, I took my appearance in. Spiky and short white hair, arms full of wristband and bracelets, talisman around my neck, Asking Alexandria Zombie customized singlet, green leopard print skinny jeans and customized canvas shoes. No makeup. Since I was happy with my appearance, I brushed my teeth and made my way out to where everyone was hanging out.

"FINALLY! Izaya, I was wondering when you'd rise from the dead." Nayte laughed. I smiled at him and playfully punched him in the stomach to which he retaliated by engulfing me in a bone-crushing hug.

"No, stop. Let me go." I laughed. He put me down and I kissed him on the cheek, "Now. HI EVERYBODY!" everyone chorused their own amused greeting back and I dove into the crowd and started mingling.

I was about to jump on Kellin Quinn but I someones arms wrapped around me from behind and they carried me over to Asking Alexandria. The whole band was there, the only person absent was James. My guess is that he was the one holding me.

"Good morning boys. Nice to meet you all in such a plesant manner. James you can put me down now." I chirped in an energetic tone.

"One; it's not morning anymore, it's four o'clock in the afternoon. Two; lets get on with formal introductions." Cameron chuckled.

So they all introduced themselves, adding in whatever they wanted to, like hobbies and what not. It got around to me and as I opened my mouth I was interrupted by…can you guess? That's right mother fuckers. Benjamin Bruce.

"And she, is the one, the only, Izaya, front woman of Suicide's on Vacation, AND the very woman I snogged last night." He announced dramatically.

I sighed heavily and punched him straight in the ribs with enough force to injure significantly, but not break or crack or fracture any bones.

"Let me try that again. I'm Izaya, nice to meet you all. I'm from Suicide's on Vacation and my band usuallly performs as a supporting band for Of Mice & Men. This is out first time not being their support band and we've yet to have our own headliner tour." I smiled sweetly and held out my left hand for them to shake.

"Don't you usually shake with your right hand?" Danny asked dumbly.

"I always shake hands with my left, it makes everyone else use their left. And by God do I know all too well what a lot of men do with their right hand." I replied seriously. Everyone of the boys started laughing at my comment, even Ben curled up on the ground, "Anyway, you lot brought me here for a reason? SO what is it?"

"We brought you over here because we know how much of a fan Ben over here is. What we hadn't realised was that you two had already been…acquainted." Sam said with a wink and a smirk in my and Ben's direction.

"We didn't fuck if that's what you're implying Sam. We only snogged, Ben left not very long after that and then I got tired and went to sleep."

"Well then why was Benny here sneaking off your bus before you woke up if you didn't fuck?"

"Because a half hour or an hour later he got back on the bus and I let him sleep in my bed with me. Are you satisfied yet?"

"What the hell? That's not like Ben at all. Usually he fucks and leaves." Danny stated whilst scratching his neck.

"Danny, you don't need to go on telling her what I do in my spare time." Ben whined. He'd stood up by now and was hugging me from behind, I couldn't be bothered moving his arms away so I let him stay.

"Oh Benny Boy. You're a dick, I know that. You usually think with your dick and like to fuck a lot of ladies…and men." I started laughing softly, "I've watched all the interviews and shit Ben. I know what you're like. I pretty much now what every member of every band here is like."

He pouted and kissed my neck, causing me to shiver slightly. His piercing was cold, just like the outside temperature. I could feel him smirk on my neck as he bit onto it. My hand immediately rose to push his head away, but he had a strong grip on my neck with his teeth.

"Why the fuck is he biting me?" I asked as I continued to pry his jaw away from my neck.

"I've no idea. It's Ben, so we don't really have a proper explanation for what he does…" Cameron mumbled.

"Well, okay then. I'm gonna go back to my bus and get some meds for mys…MOTHER FUCKER YOU MADE ME BLEED!" I yelled. At this point Ben had let go of my neck and began admiring his handy work. I swung my fist around and aimed for his face but he caught it before I could land the punch.

"No punching Zay. It hurts when you punch. So no more punching me." He pouted.

"Whatever Ben. I'm gonna go back to my bus now." I rolled my eyes at him and made my way back to the SOV bus. I grabbed one ecstacy pill from my incredibly well hidden stash and placed it in my mouth, just Alan and Austin walked in…

"Izzy? Izaya you had so better not be doing what I think you're doing.." Alan stated slowly and worriedly.

"I dunno Aaaalaaaan. What do YOU think I'm doing?" I giggled childishly.

"I think that all three of us know that you're doing drugs. Again. On tour.." Austin sighed disappointedly, "Izzy, why do you keep doing this to yourself? You've got so much to live for, so many fans to live for. Think about us and think about your band members. How do you think Sage would feel?"

"Austin. Just be quiet. You know I haven't swallowed it yet." I mumbled. They both sat down next to me, just watching me sadly. I sighed and took the pill out of my mouth, wrapping it in a piece of rubbish and throwing it in the bin, "There, you happy yet?"

"More than happy." They exclaimed and latched on to me. I smiled for their sake and I pointed them to my stash. They were far from letting this go, and I know that they would tear this bus apart until they found what they were looking for, so I just gave them what they wanted. A fuck load of drugs, which they would throw in a bin far from where I could get to them.

"Come on Izzy, there's people to socialize with and we've got about two hours until bus call. Then we head off to the first destination of this years Warped Tour." Alan encouraged. He and Asutin stood up and held their hands out to pull me up and I took both of their hands and they lifted me off the ground and carried me out of the bus.

From then on we all just socialzed and made friends and told stories of tours, relationships, new albums and new music.


	4. Chapter 4

Yesterday was the unofficial start of this year's Warped tour and now we were just moments away from the official start in Auburn, Washington. Suicide's on Vacation didn't have a performance until the second location, which was Portland, Oregon. Even though we didn't have a set, our best friends Of Mice & Men did. They got a set on main stage and both Nayte and I were stoked to be able watch them from the pit with every other fan. Of Mice were set to play at one in the afternoon so Nayte and I had made the decision to watch all the other bands before the boys got up, this included Pierce The Veil, Sleeping With Sirens, We Are The In Crowd, Asking Alexandria and Avenged Sevenfold, who all played awesomely.

After eight gruelling hours of moshing to some of the best bands in metal and pop-punk, Of Mice & Men came on.

"How the fuck are we all doing today?" Austin yelled to the crowd, receiving an enormous reaction from the crowd. He grinned and brought the microphone back up to his mouth, "How about we get this shit started!"

The opening guitar riff for '_Seven Thousand Miles for What?' _blared through the amplifiers on stage and the crowd started rocking out for the umpteenth time that day. Nayte and I had the most fun we'd had in a long time at a festival.

_"Since when did you become so cold, and such a lifeless piece of work? I can't take the sound of you anymore, or the thought of you." _Austin's screams seemed to sound right through to my very core. That was the best part of a concert, the feeling of the music going right through your body.

"_Don't worry, take what you need, I left you and your dying breed. But before we forget, when the lights burn out, don't come home crying to me. I will, surrender myself, for the better health, of someone who really cares." _The crowd shouted along with Austin and I could feel myself relaxing.

"_Why would you throw it away so fast?"_

"_It's gotta better than this, too hard for too long, I'm holdin' on, try to go but it just don't feel right." _Alan, Aaron and Phil joined in to sing the chorus. All five of the boys looked like there was nothing that could ever bother them when they were performing on stage. It was always a great joy to watch them play. Not only that, but their interaction with the crowd was equally as amazing.

They had played ten songs and now began to play their final song for the day, Second & Sebring.

"Sing along if you know the words mother fuckers! This is Second & Sebring and unfortunately our last song for the day! It's been an absolute thrill to play for you all today! Let's get this pit moving!" Austin screamed and a couple of circle puts got started as the first verse sounded from the speakers.

"_I believe it's time for me to be famous, and out of place. I believe it's time for me to move forward, when I break through!"_

††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††

"Guys! That set was totally hectic! You looked and sounded so fucking good." I yelled as I ran up behind them and jumped on Alan's back, "I'm so proud of you guys."

"Thanks Izzy. We appreciate it, but we can't be given all the credit, we had an awesome crowd today." Aaron thanked.

"Awh, you guys are just modest!" I exclaimed excitedly, "Though that crowd was seriously epic, I enjoyed every minute I was in it, right from PTV's set."

"So who was your favourite from today's group?" Alan asked smugly. I rested my chin on his shoulder and glanced at his lips. Unsurprisingly he was smirking smugly, like his voice had suggested.

"I honestly would not have a clue. Everyone was just amazing and the crowd made it that much better." I replied honestly.

"Who was amazing?" I heard a male Mexican voice ask. I turned to the source of the noise and saw Jaime Preciado. A grin immediately grew on my face as I got down off of Alan's back, without co-operation of course, but I got off none the less.

"JAIME! It's been too long my lovely sexican" I yelled as I wrapped my arms around his torso, "How've you been? How was tour? Is Vic doing okay? What about Mike? Oh and Turtle. Where is my Turtle, is he okay?" I rambled on too fast for him to keep up.

"Slow down Zaya, one question at a time please." He gasped with an exasperated look dancing on his features, "I heard Turtle in there. Tony is fine, he's his usual self but he is missing you, like the rest of us. I noticed Suicide's on Vacation didn't have a set today, I think it would have been awesome to watch you guys play for once." I smile prominent on his face.

"Well thanks Jaime. That actually means a lot to me and most likely the rest of the band." I thanked him and planted a kiss on his cheek. I watched as his cheeks grew light pink and laughed at him, "You're still as precious as ever sweetie." I giggled as I stood on tip toes to ruffle his spiked hair.

"Jaime! Hurry up. We gotta go to the meet and greet, like, five minutes ago!" a familiar voice called. Jaime smirked at me as he watched my expression grow from recognition to excitement. I turned around slowly with a Cheshire grin on my features.

"TURTLE!" I screamed and run up to him engulfing his torso with my tiny arms. He grunted at the unexpected impact but wrapped his arms around me none-the-less.

"Hey there little Zaya." He smiled, "Come on, move back a bit so I can get a good look at you. What's it been? A year now? You should come and visit us in San Diego sometime."

"I know Turtle. It's been way too long. I missed you all." I pouted, "I missed you most Turtle! I would have come to visit but I was busy settling into my new house. You can come by whenever as soon as I give you the address." I was like a little kid around Tony. He was like a big brother that was gone before I was born, "And as much as I'd love to go find a seat so we can catch up, you have a meet and greet to go to. I think I'll tag along. Bye Alan!"

I held Tony's hand as we walked to the tent they were set up under and the glares from the fan girls were amusing and made me grin. I leaned over to Tony and whispered in his ear.

"I'm gonna kiss you on the cheek and the fan girls are gonna go rabid. Okay." I moved in to kiss him on the cheek but he turned his head and kissed me full on the lips. Not that I wasn't complaining, and I loved annoying the fan girls, but Tony was kissing me. He was my brother figure.

We broke apart and I looked at him in a questioning manner. He leaned in and whispered, as I had done to him.

"I know how much you love to annoy fan girls. Plus, I had to do it at least once. I wanted a taste of the sexy lady that is you." He smirked and sat down at the signing table, greeting fans with enthusiasm.

After about half an hour I got bored. Friendly note, I had ADD and ADHD.

"Well guys, I'm gonna head off. It's boring here not doing anything. I'll catch up with you later on your bus." I waved them all good bye; blowing kisses to some of the boys in the line, catching them eye me up and down like ravenous wolves, "Gosh, I'm not a walking piece of meat guys. I'm a living breathing person. Stop looking at me like you're gonna try and eat me. I don't swing that way at all. No hurry along and support my friends."

I rolled my eyes and got my iPod out of my bra and started playing The Script. As _The Man Who Can't Be Moved_ finished playing, _If You Could See Me Now _came on.

My breath hitched in my throat and I pressed my index finger against my nose, a habit I'd picked up a while ago to hold back tears and negative emotions. I tried to think of happy things and how I was on touring on Warped Tour, but my thoughts would always bring me back to my brother and my grandmother.

My brother was in the army. I don't know if he's okay and it scares me to death. He could be dead at any moment and I don't really know how to process that or get the thought out of my mind. I hadn't seen him in almost seven years now, not since I left Australia to start a band here in America. I kept his zippo with me everywhere I go.

My grandmother died when I was six of lung cancer. She was a smoker and I loved her to death, more than I did my own parents. Her death was what caused my family to tear apart so irreparably. I spiralled into a chaotic depression, developed anxiety and was scared of almost everything. I rebelled from everything and my brother was my stone. I broke when he joined the army.

I turned a corner and leaned against the closest bus, sliding down the side and bringing my knees to my chest. I'd put the song on repeat. I hadn't thought of Coby or Nonna for a while now and I felt that I needed to be reminded of them once more. Despite how painful that could be for me.

I had no idea whose bus this is, but I didn't really care too much. A few minutes later I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. Someone was calling me. I checked the caller ID and it was an unknown number. But it was Australian.

Confused, I answered it.

"Hello?"

"Is this Miss Izaya Franko?"

"Yes. Who am I speaking with?"

"Ah, sorry. This is General Greene. You're aware your brother, James Coby Franko, was involved in the Australian Armed Forces, yes?"

I choked out a hardly audible 'yes'.

"I am incredibly sorry to inform you that he was killed in the line of duty."

"Does anyone else know this yet?" I whispered, loud enough for the General to hear.

"No. He requested that you be the first in the family to know."

"Okay. Thank you General Greene. I would like to be there for his funeral, but I'm on tour in America now with my band and can't get there. I apologise, but I have to go now." I stated emotionlessly.

"I understand. Please. Do well on your tour Miss Franko."

I heard a beep, signalling the end of the call. My phone slipped out of my hands and I numbly put my headphone back in my ear. I just let everything out where I was. My body shook with violent sobs and even when someone found me and carried me onto the bus, I didn't stop.

Everything was in slow motion and I was completely numb. I did my best to try and focus on what was going on around me, but the only thing, or person, I could make out was Tony and his voice.

"Zaya? Zaya it's going to be okay. You'll be fine. Okay? I called Nayte. He knows you're on our bus for the venue change." I just stared at him blankly. He stared back with a worried look on his face, "Come on, let's get you to bed. Maybe you can sleep this off."

_If only you knew Tony. If only._ Then my thoughts lingered on the song that was playing over and over in my head, even if my iPod had been taken away.

_I'm tryna make you proud, do everything you did, I hope you're up there with God, saying that's my sis. I still look for your face in the crowd, oh if you could see me now._

_ Coby, If you could see me now, what would you think?_

I was drifting off to sleep as I mumbled the words _I'm sorry Coby_.


	5. Chapter 5

**WARNING! CONTENT MAY BE TRIGGERING!**

I woke up and didn't have the immediate thought of throwing the arms of whoever has holding me off of my body. I felt safe. My back was to them and I could feel their chest rising and lowering against my back. I turned around so that I was facing them and saw Tony.

"Turtle?" I mumbled slowly, "What am I doing here?"

I didn't notice that he had woken up until he held me closer and kissed my forehead. I looked up at him and gave him a small, half-hearted smile.

"Morning Zaya. How was your sleep?" he whispered sweetly.

"It was sleep. What about you Turtle?"

"It was wonderful." He smiled softly down at me, placing a kiss on my nose, "But we have to get up now, we've arrived at the second venue and you have a set today love."

I groaned. I didn't want to get up yet. Or ever for that matter, but I had to do it. For the fans. For my brother.

Honestly, I knew I wasn't handling the news of his death very well at all, but I couldn't just hide inside myself while I'm in the middle of a tour. No one could know, they would act differently around me and I wouldn't be able to handle that.

"I guess we have no choice but to get up then. Can't disappoint the fans." I smirked. I rolled over and out of the bunk, landing feet first and walking over to the door, "I'm gonna go have a shower and get dressed. Have fun doing whatever."

"I'll see you on stage Zaya. Me and the boys are gonna watch your performance." He said excitedly as he ruffled my hair and walked into the kitchen area of the bus. I made my way off the bus and went to find mine so that I could have a shower and change my clothes.

As soon as I spotted my bus I felt a hand clamp down on my shoulder.

"Izaya." They growled in my ear.

"Oh shit. What did I do now Nayte?" I asked solemnly.

"Where were you last night?"

"I was on PTV's bus. I thought Turtle said he told you?"

"Yes he did. I just thought I'd ask you as confirmation of your whoring around." He spat at me.

"Excuse me?"

"Did I stutter, Izaya?"

"No, you didn't Nayte. I was just giving you a fucking chance to take back what you said." I growled violently.

"Why the fuck would I take back the truth, bitch."

"BECAUSE IT'S NOT FUCKING TRUE YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!" I screamed at him.

"Oh yeah? Tell that to you sleeping with Ben fucking Bruce one night and then Tony Perry the next! YOU FLIRT WITH EVERY ONE YOU SEE! You are a pretentious whore, Izaya!"

"Whore's get paid dipshit." I growled lowly, "Whore's. Have. Sex."

"Pfft. Don't even try to fucking pass off that you're a virgin sweetie. We all know how many guys you sleep with."

"Go ahead and fucking name one." I challenged.

"Jason Crowe. Back in eleventh grade."

"I never slept with him. He was a fucking grade A liar and you know that. So why don't you stop calling me names with no actual back up to your false accusations. I don't want to break up this band. Not on our first fucking tour this big." I fumed, clenching my fists by my side, "PULL YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR ASS AND GET A FUCKING GRIP ON REALITY. WE HAVE A LARGE NUMBER OF FANS OUT THERE WAITING AND LOOKING FORWARD TO SEEING US PLAY AS A BAND! DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE RUIN THAT FOR THEM." I screamed, poking at his chest aggressively.

"No one wants you here Izaya. You are ultimately a waste of space that no one cares about. In fact, if you were to go missing, I don't think, actually I know, that NO ONE would even give a shit." He spat in my face, gripping me by my shirt.

"Thanks for the oh so inspiring speech Nayte. I'll keep that in mind. Now. If you don't mind, I'm going to go and get dressed for our set. Run along now you filthy prick." I droned out emotionlessly.

He let go of my shirt and stalked off to the stage area, probably to go catch up with the rest of the band. I, on the other hand, wanted to go ahead and scream, just let everything out. It's amazing how low Nayte had managed to hit me, but he sure as hell hit incredibly low and incredibly hard. I collected my stage outfit for the day and made my way to the bathroom, grabbing a box cutter on the way in.

Basically, my experience in the bathroom consisted of tearing up my left wrist, covering it up with thirty-five to forty wristbands, tearing up my legs and pulling my skinnies on over them, putting my leather vest on over a black lace bra and then doing my make up.

I looked in the full lentgh mirror to the side of me and took in my appearance for the first time that day. I was wearing light pastel green skinnies of which the thighs were becoming progressively, but slowly, crimson red and a leather vest covered in assorted badges from tv shows, comics and bands. My left arm was covered from wrist to elbow in wristbands and material bracelets and I was wearing black, worn out, Dr. Martens. They had been my brothers, so I only thought it was appropriate to wear them today. I decided I was ready to perform. To the best of my current ability.

"I'm sorry Coby. I broke my promise…but they can't always last forever…just like people. I'll play you a song today…I hope you like it. I hope it makes you proud of what I made of my life." I whispered to myself, staring into the mirror, not recognisng the face looking back. I walked out of the bathroom and decided have a smoke on the way to the stage.

And boy did I need one.

Andy from Black Veil Brides joined me halfway to the stage and I offered the rest of my cig, which he gladly took.

"Nice pants. They have an interesting design on them." He complimented. _If only you knew Andy, if only._

"Thanks." I smiled brightly back at him. We had arrived at the stage quickly and I took my leave, "Gotta be on stage buddy, so I'll be off now. He a good rest of the day."

I was surprised, no one had approached me about the shouting war me and Nayte had been in not twenty minutes ago. I was glad though, less questions for me to answer to. By now my legs had stopped bleeding, so my pants just looked as though they were supposed to look like that, though, the blood had started to drip down my arm and my hand now.

_Well isn't that just my luck. Red paint right next to the stage I'm playing on._ I walked over to the tin, took the lid off and dipped my left hand into it, smearing some paint on thighs as well. _Well that about covers that._

"Where the hell have you been Izzy? We were worried about you." Sayla rambled. She came up to hug me but I quickly stopped her. I pointed to my hand.

"Wet paint." I laughed

"Why do you have wet paint on your hand…and legs?" she asked baffled by my randomness.

"I thought it would be an interesing look. Though I'd give it a try." I smirked triumphantly, knowing I had succesfully lied my way out of this scenario, "Come on then, we have a set to play!" I pushed them all ahead of me whilst I caught the attention of our sound tech, "Can you please set up my acoustic for me, I have a song I need to play after every one else walks off. Would you mind bringing it on stage to me as well? Thanks Tim." I smiled exuberantly and ran onto the stage and shouted to the crowd.

"Hello mother fuckers! We are Suicide's On Vacation and we're here to give you a good time!" I shouted into the mic.

We started playing our first song, _Story of Me_, and the crowd sang along animatedly. The whole set continued like that and I even let the crowd sing most of one of the songs. Admittedly, the feeling was absolutely exhillarating, better than anything I'd ever felt before.

"Sadly that's the end of our planned set guys." I received some booing at that, but smiled out at them none-the-less, "But! I have a song I wanna play you guys." I turned to look over to side stage and waved Tim on with my acoustic, "Thanks Tim. Now, guys, not to ruin the mood or anything, but I recently received some incredibly shocking news and I still don't really know how to handle it, so I thought that maybe playing a song would help me." I received some cheers from the majority or the crowd. Unfortunately, by now there was blood all over my arm and it wasn't really easy to hide, "I'm guessing a lot of you can probably see the blood on my arm. Yeah…it was a horribly stupid mistake to do what I did, but I didn't exactly get any friendly words this morning. You're all probably wondering what this news that I got was…well. I'm sorry but I can't really say without choking on my words. So I'm just gonna play this song right here and now and hope to God he hears me. James Coby, you amazing mother fucker, I hope you're proud of me right now, because I sure as hell am proud to call you my big brother! This song is called _If You Could See Me Now,_ written by The Script. I've made my own alterations to the lyrics but here goes nothing!"

I lowered my head and started to play the guitar and sing the song.

"Oh if you could see me now  
(Oh if you could see me now)

It was February fourteen, Valentine's Day  
The roses came, but they took you away  
Tattooed on my arm is a charm to disarm all the harm  
Gotta keep myself calm but the truth is you're gone  
And I'll never get to show you these songs  
Bro, you should see the tours that I'm on,  
I see you standing there next to Dom  
Always singing along, yeah arm in arm  
And there are days when I'm losing my faith  
Because the man wasn't good he was great  
He'd say music was the home for your pain  
And explain, I was young, he would say  
"Take that rage, put it on a page  
Take the page to the stage  
Blow the roof off the place"  
I'm tryna make you proud  
Do everything you did  
I hope you're up there with God  
Saying that's my sis

I still look for your face in the crowd  
Oh if you could see me now  
(Oh if you could see me now)  
Would you stand in disgrace or take a bow  
Oh if you could see me now  
(Oh if you could see me now)

If you could see me now would you recognise me  
Would you pat me on the back or would you criticise me  
Would you follow every line on my tear stained face  
Put your hand on a heart that's was cold  
As the day you were taken away  
I know it's been awhile but I could see you clear as day  
Right now, I wish I could hear you say  
I drink too much and I smoke too much dutch  
But if you can't see me now that shit's a must  
You used to say I won't know I will until it cost me  
Like I won't know real love till I've loved then I've lost it  
And if you've lost a sister, someone's lost a mom  
And if you've lost a dad, then someone's lost a son  
And they're all missing now, and they're all missing now  
So if you get a second to look down at me now  
Dom, Bro I'm just missing you now

I still look for your face in the crowd  
Oh if you could see me now  
Would you stand in disgrace or take a bow?  
Oh if you could see me now

Oh... Oh...  
Would you call me a saint or a sinner?  
Would you love me a loser or winner?  
Oh... Oh...  
When I see my face in the mirror  
We look so alike that it makes me shiver

I still look for your face in the crowd  
Oh if you could see me now  
Would you stand in disgrace or take a bow?  
Oh if you could see me now

I still look for your face in the crowd  
Oh if you could see me now  
Would you stand in disgrace or take a bow?  
Oh if you could see me now

Oh...  
You could see, you could see me now  
(You could see, you could see me now)"

I finished the song with a silent crowd and tears streaming down my face. I looked up at the sky just as it started to rain. _How fitting_, I thought. I looked back out over the crowd and saw people in tears and peole hugging. I smiled weakly and the whole crowd erupted into applause.

"For all of you, because no one knows anything about me really. James Coby Franko is my big brother. Dom was his partner. They were the absolute sweetest couple. Recently tragedy struck and now everything has changed. I'm not going to say what happened, because if I did, everyone I'm touring with would probably treat me a hell of a lot differently and I don't want that.

"All I want to say to all of you today, is that no matter what. You are worth something and someone is waiting for you. Just seeing you brightens their day. Please. Don't abuse that oppurtunity. Utilise it. Tell them you love them. Do everything you can to make yourself happy. YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON THAT SHOULD MATTER!"

Slowly, I raised my fist into the air, looking up solemnly and I noticed the crowd had joined in too.

"It was so amazing to play for you all today and I hope you all live the fucking greatest lives you can! I love you all and stay strong because I am here for you whenever the fuck you want!" I shouted as I made my way back stage. I could still hear the shouts of the crowd as I packed my guitar back into it's case.

Someone grabbed me by the arm and turned me to face them. It was Ben.

"What the fuck happened?" He asked demandingly, gesturing to my arm and thighs.

"Nothing you need to worry about Ben. It's fine and I'm fine. Leave me alone whilst I go and have a shower." I sighed. I kissed him on the cheek and then ran off to do exactly as I had told Ben. Have a shower.

I looked in the mirror and realized that it was time to get a new tattoo. James' name, date of birth and date of death. Brushing the thoughts out of my mind I had a nice, lengthy, hot shower before going to sleep.

**A/N: Please don't hate me for what I did.**

…**You probably hate me. Sorry I'm horrid but this is just how it has to go…**

**The next chapter is going to be just as…horrid.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Warning: Content may be triggering and slightly sexual. **

It had been a week since our set in Portland and mine and Naytes argument. To say I've been having a hard time would be an understatement. Everyone kept asking me what had happened for me to dedicate that song to my brother. Then came to questions about my family and why no one had ever even heard of me having a brother. Answering all of these questions with as little information as possible was becoming tiring and I couldn't keep it up much longer. After a week I had hoped that people would get the message. _I don't want to answer your questions._

Other than my problems, the band had been playing so many amazing shows and we had gained so many new fans. Our meet and greet lines had been growing at every concert. Nayte and I still weren't co-operating very well, but no one outside the band even noticed a change. The rest of the band members however...they knew something was up.

"Izayaaaaaaa." Sage whined, stretching out my name, "Why won't you tell me what happened between you and Nayte?"

"Why don't you ask him Sage?" I groaned. Sage pouted at me, hoping that his signature puppy dog eyes would work on me, I just rolled my eyes in response, "I'm sure he'll be more obliged to answer you. He seems to have quite the opinion on me. So you'd do best to hear it from him."

"Awh, but I wanna hear it from you Izzy." He whined again.

"Too bad buddy." I laughed breathily, patting him on the leg, "I'm gonna go hang with Asking for a while. I'll see you later."

I got up from my position laying down on the grass and sprinted over to Asking Alexandria's bus, waving at Sage as I left. As I got to the bus I knocked on the door quickly and loudly, not letting up until someone opened the door.

Not paying enough attention, I ended up hitting Ben square in the mouth when he opened it. He glared at me as I just laughed at my idiocy.

"Did you want to come in or not?" he growled under his breath.

I did my best to contain my laughter and nodded at him, making my way onto the bus. _God his voice sounds sexy._ I thought to myself. Ben closed the door behind me as I got on and told me to go to the lounge area, slapping my ass on the way there.

"Really Ben?" I sighed. I'd honestly gotten used to this routine now. Ben was attracted to me. I was attracted to him. Neither of us were really looking for a relationship right now. So we were pretty much friends with benefits now.

I stood in the middle of the room with my hand on my hips staring at Ben as he closed the door behind him.

"You know it." he smirked devilishly. _God damn could he get any sexier._ He flattened my against the closed door, trapping me in between his arms. Slowly he pressed his lips to mine, our lips moving in perfect sync with one another. Ben tilted his head and deepened the kiss. I found myself wrapping my arms around his neck instinctually, pulling him closer. I felt his hands on my hips, him also pulling me in closer. His hands moved to run up and down the back of my ribcage. Ben grabbed my thighs and lifted my legs around hips waist, I locked my ankles together and let him carry me to the lounge, our lips not yet parting.

As we parted, we attempted to catch our breath. We stared at each other breathless and hungry.

We had moved from the door to the lounge. Me on my back and Ben suspending himself above me. He smirked at me again and slowly lifted my shirt up and over my head, trailing kisses from my hips all the way up my torso, past my breasts and and stopping at my collarbone. He started nibbling and sucking at my skin lightly. He was aiming for a love bite obviously.

Two could play at that game.

Playing innocent, I wrapped my arms around his neck and brought him closer to me. I started kissing him again, but before Benny Boy could get too into it, I flipped him off the couch and onto the ground. I followed him down and pinned him to the floor.

Suddenly, the door opened and in walked Danny and Sayla, hand in hand. Ben and I instinctively looked over at them and smirked.

Ben tried to use this distraction to his advantage, but to no avail. I grabbed both his arms and pinned them above his head. Smirking deviously at him I ripped his shirt off with my teeth.

"Yeah we didn't think you'd stop on our account." Danny laughed, erupting a giggled from Sayla. My whole band was undeniably immature, but accustomed to my antics.

I rolled my eyes at Danny's comment and continued what I was doing. I placed my lips at the edge of Bens' pants and licked straight up his torso, earning a moan, shiver and back arch from him.

"Zay! Don't do that. Stop. Just stop this right now." he pleaded with me. Danny laughed at him and they left me to torture Ben some more.

"Awh. Is my little Benny Boy begging for me to stop now?" I teased. Letting go of his arms, I sunk my teeth into his neck, getting my desired response. A gasp and a loud moan. To say I enjoyed torturing and teasing Ben would be yet another understatement.

Ben pushed me off him, reversing our positions once more and hungrily pushed his lips to mine. He placed his hands on my hips and licked my bottom lip, begging for entry and I obliged. His tongue entered my mouth and we battled for dominance, him winning and then biting on my shark bites. This earnt an almost inaudible moan from me and yet another smirk from Ben. We continued to feverishly make out on the floor of the bus and I felt Bens excitement against my inner thigh.

"Ben get your ass out here. We have to go to sound check, now!" Cameron shouted from the bus door. Both Ben and I sighed as we pulled apart, once again breathless.

"I guess we'll continue this another time." Ben smirked, his voice husky and incredibly sexy. I nodded and we both got up and made our way off the bus. Neither of us needing to fix our hair because it was just naturally all over the place.

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It was around five at night and I was roaming the streets looking for a tattoo parlor. I'd put off my tattoos long enough, so I'd decided that I would get both my brothers name and my stomach piece done while I'm on Warped. Something to remember it by. Something good to remember it by.

I had left a note on the inside of the door on my SOV's tour bus so that no one would worry if they couldn't find me.

I hadn't been walking too long until I stopped in front of the shop I had been looking for. Pushing the door open, letting it swing closed behind me, I made my way to the front desk.

"Hello, how may I help you today?" The lady working at the desk asked me with a cheerful smile. I returned the gesture sincerely.

"I'm here for...Mitchell?" I asked timidly. Unsure whether that was his name. I had booked the appointment only a few days ago and hadn't had the time to familiarize myself with who would be tattooing me.

"Ah, yes. Izaya I presume?" I nodded gratefully and she directed me to where Mitchell would discuss my tattoo design with me.

Mere minutes later Mitchell walked out from the back area, smiling brightly at me when he saw me, and made his way over to me, sitting down across from me.

"Hey, I'm Mitchell. Nice to meet you Izaya." he greeted, holding his left hand out for me to shake it. I smiled widely and shook his hand, "I'm a big fan and it's a pleasure to be able to tattoo you."

"Really? That's awesome. It's nice to meet fans all around. Though I'd never expect a tattoo artist to be a fan." I replied, unable to keep the grin off my face.

"Haha, yeah. I was pretty stoked when I heard I was going to be tattooing you." he ran his hand through his short, sandy blonde hair, "Anyway. On to your tattoos. I understand you had your own designs?"

"Yeah. Just the one design though. I'd like you to just choose and kind of font for the Coby's name though."

"Sweet. So, where did you wanna start first?"

"My arm."

"Okay, come out the back and we'll start on it."

We stood up and I followed him out the back as he gestured for me to sit down on one of the stools. He drew up a sketch of my brothers full name, date of birth and date of death. He showed it to me to check how I liked it and I gave him an enthusiastic nod.

Twenty minutes later I had my third tattoo, this one in honor of my brother. Another thirty minutes and Mitchell was starting the piece on my stomach.

†††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††

"There we go Izaya. That's the grim reaper part done," Mitchell grinned as he rubbed the oil into my skin, over the top of my newly inked skin, "Get up and check it out in the mirror."

I did as he'd asked and I immediately feel in love with it.

"Mitchell," I breathed out, "It's...it's amazing." I spun around and hugged him, surprising him momentarily, and he hugged me back. Laughing along with me.

"Well, lets go back to the front and get this all paid for. I hope you'll come by when it's done so I can see the finished product, okay?" I nodded at him and paid Trisha what I owed for the tattoos and then made my way out of the store.

It was almost ten o'clock now and I searched my bag for my phone, sighing when I realized that I had forgotten it on the bus. Solemnly, I made my way back to the tour venue, hoping I'd get back without a problem.

Unfortunately, life has never worked in my favor. If my life was a book, I sure had a horrible author.

"Hey, sexy!" I heard a deep, crackly voice slur from across the street. I ignored them and continued on my way, speeding up a little out of nervousness, "Hey! I'm talking to you, whore!" I heard him yell again. I picked up my pace yet again as I heard four motors roar to life. _Shit._ I thought to myself frantically.

"Stop right there babe." another voice slurred. He sounded younger and my breathing hitched as I realized that I was surrounded by four men on motor cycles on a deserted road.

_Fuck_.

I felt a fist collide with my face as I was knocked off my feet, my face hitting the sidewalk with force. That was, unfortunately, only the begging of a long and painful beating...and rape.

I blacked out after the first hour and a half, unable to handle the pain that I was in. They had taped my mouth so I couldn't call for help and taped my arms so that I couldn't do anything.

Even though I had blacked out, I could still feel the cold, sharp blades as they cut my flesh. They hadn't bothered with my newly tattooed areas as they were heavily bandaged for healing.

†††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††

I woke up roughly an hour later, everything hurt and I could barely move. I'd realized that I had to move soon or God knows what would happen to me. Holding back screams of pain, my whole body protesting against me, I whimpered as I made my way, slowly, back to the venue. I was thankful that we were staying here for more than one day, or I might have been left behind.

The only things on my mind were the amount of pain that I was in and how thankful I was that I didn't die.

A mere twenty minutes later I saw the venue and breathed a sigh of relief. Getting here without any more trouble...I showed the security guards my I.D. and they let me into the venue with worried looks. I brushed them off and quickly made my way to the bathrooms to clean myself up. My habit of keeping a clean set of clothes in my bag at all times coming in handy for once. I stole a glance at the mirror and cringed at what I saw.

My body was covered in blood, cuts and bruises. Unable to cope with my current appearance, I quickly, and carefully, got undressed and had a nice, long, hot shower.

When I got out I quickly got dressed, not liking the cool temperature and made my way to Asking's bus. I frantically pounded my fist on the door, waiting for someone to hear me and open it.

The door swung open and I saw a very tired and pissed off Danny Worsnop glaring at me. He took in me appearance and he anger seemed to dissipate, his expression being replaced with that of worry.

"Please don't ask any questions I just need somewhere to sleep that isn't my own bus. Please. I'm begging you Danny. I don't think I can face Nayte right now. I'm sorry for waking you but please, can I crash here for the night?" I pleaded with him.

"What's going on out here?" I heard James' tired voice sound from behind Danny. He looked me up and down and just like Danny, his face became one of worry, "Let her on Danny." he stated seriously.

Danny obliged and I climbed onto the bus shakily, the pain from my injuries becoming, once again, unbearable. James rushed to the bunk area and dragged a drowsy Ben out to where Danny was tending to my wounds.

"When I'm done fixing her up, she's bunking with you Bruce. Not objections. She needs it and you're probably the only one who can help her sleep." Danny rushed. His tone left no room for argument, but the expression resting on Ben's face showed that he wasn't planning to object in the first place.

"What happened?" he asked quietly. All three of the boys had their eyes trained on me, waiting for my answer.

"Long story short I got a really bad beating on a deserted road." I sighed, "On the bright side, I got new ink." I smiled sadly. I had wanted this day to be perfect but I guess that life didn't want that for me. What a brilliant day to spend a birthday.

Danny had finished cleaning and bandaging all my wounds, my eyes feeling incredibly heavy. I could tell he was feeling the same as he and Ben helped me over to and into Ben's bunk. Danny mumbled a good night as Ben climbed into his bunk with me, instantly wrapping his arms around my shoulders and kissing my head. I huddled into his chest as his steady heartbeat lulled my into a dreamless sleep.

**A/N: I guess you somewhat hate me now...oops**

**I'm a horrible person for putting anyone through this...but it's kind of what helps me progress the story.**

**So even though I'm horribly mean, I hope you are all liking this story, because I'm actually having fun writing it, even the bad parts, as they're just things that happen in life...**


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